"I soon realized that no journey carries one far unless, as it extends into the world around us, it goes an equal distance into the world within."
-Lillian Smith
hey guys. i'm back again with more stories from the windy city.
one of the things that i particularly enjoyed was going out to dinner with my cousin and the groomsmen for a boys night out/bachelor party. just 6 guys hanging out, you know, going to a steakhouse, eating bacon on a stick.
you read that right. bacon on a stick. and this wasn't a thin stick of bacon. this was a thick chunk of pig on an elongated toothpick. 5 of them, to be exact. to make it better, the people there put a maple syrup dipping sauce next to it. pure maple syrup. believe me, i know my syrup. and even if i didn't, i'm fairly certain this level of awesome would be too much for poor old aunt jemima's heart to handle.
the next day two of my newfound friends and i went out with the intention of taking in a nice boat ride displaying chicago's architecture. my cousin called me to make sure i knew that the wedding rehearsal was at 4. it was the first time i had heard his voice rattle. ever. for as long as i had known him i had always admired his sense of cool and resolve. i guess he was dealing with a lot that day, or just really excited. but it made me think about how wonderful everything had been. beautiful weather to walk around in and beautiful people to walk around with. this kind of thought can be very distracting, you know. enough that you could leave your phone in a taxi cab.
WAIT. WHERE IS MY PHONE? AHHHHHHH!!
as i screamed in my head, my friends called pretty much ever taxi company in the city before we tracked down my phone, which had fallen into the hands of a woman with a thick i-have-no-idea-what accent who didn't call us back even though we called the phone almost 30 times. we then rapidly travelled back uptown once we had a location on the phone. we retrieved it not far from where we had left for the boat trip. as a token of gratitiude, i took my two friends out to lunch at a korean bbq place across the street. and yes...it was yummy.
since my impotence had killed any shot of us going on the boat tour at that point in time, we then decided to go to the beach.
yes, there is a beach in chicago.
it's located right alongside beautiful lake michigan. we sat down near the lake and at this point, we had been walking all day pretty much and this time my arthritic right knee actually had a reason to yell at me. it was so quiet and peaceful that i laid back and fell asleep. chicago is a city, as you all know, but it does a pretty good job of not letting on that it is. i can't recall a time where i was more relaxed.
it made me sad that we really don't have anything close to this in jersey. by comparison, falling asleep next to the delaware would be like being a roman catholic who just so happens to be married to a wildfire, and honestly, who wants that kind of matrimony? i mean, they're loud, unpredictable, and even though you did the right thing and got married first, it's usually a while before they put out.
sorry, i had to. you see an opportunity to make a bad joke and you take it, man.
overall, it was the perfect weekend. my cousin's wedding was beautiful, unique, and just special. what made it better was that everyone around knew how special it was and that they would never see a wedding like that ever again. and the group of friends i gained will probably be ones i keep for a long time. maybe forever if they'll have me. and i couldn't be more overjoyed for my cousin and his new bride. and i couldn't be more honored that they allowed me to be part of it.
so that's it...i think...i don't think i left anything out...but if i did, you will see a part three.
l8r.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
My Midwestern Memorandum, Part I
"I was surprised, as always, how easy the act of leaving was, and how good it felt. The world was suddenly rich with possibility."
-Jack Kerouac (On The Road)
hey guys.
i write to you again, this time a refreshed man. i have now seen things i have never seen before and i write to share them with you. my latest sojourn took place in a wonderful city which would be the farthest west i have ever been. but first let's talk about how i got there.
i was on break from work on a busy saturday earlier this year when i got a phone call from my cousin, who was engaged to be married in june of this year. he and i were like brothers growing up, but because he moved to chicago, we didn't talk to each other nearly as often. it was for this reason that this phone call seemed a little odd. he proceeded to ask if i, in his exact words, would honor him by being in his wedding. i quickly said yes not knowing if he had any idea that the honor was in fact mine.
so i quickly went into the backroom at work and requested a week off. there was no way i was missing this wedding. but it was also exciting because i was going to see a city i had heard so much about but never had the pleasure of seeing up close. and a pleasure it would be.
me and my cousin's sister, who is like a sister to me, began the long trip on a wednesday in hopes to arrive on the friday before the wedding, which was on sunday. we drove through Philly and then spent the biggest chunk of the drive in long and windy Pennsylvania...and no, that wasn't a semi-elaborate Beatles reference, Pennsylvania is really long and winding...although i think i'm the only person i know that would have made that connection...
anyway, after the rolling hills and mountain scapes, we drove through ohio, which immediately greeted us with its indiginous brand of boredom so irrepressibly thick it made the viscosity of molasses seem on a par with that of chicken broth. just trees and road for as far as the eye can see...HMMM, I WONDER WHERE ELSE IS LIKE THAT.
after the sleepiness of ohio we were bombarded with vast fields of corn and amber waves of grain in indiana. it was like what i imagine a john mellencamp song might be like if expressed visually, which probably why it threw me off when n'sync came on the iPod. indiana hardly seemed like the place for a digital digital get-down.
before long, we were in illinois. i was pleasantly surprised to know that mike myers and dana carvey didn't make aurora up. sadly, shermer was made up, otherwise i would have insisted we visit.
we stayed in a hotel in schaumburg, illinois for the night before we met with my cousin in chicago the next day. i brimmed with excitement as the chicago skyline drew ever closer. this was the place i had heard so much about. at long last, it was within reach.
i lived rather nomadically during my stay. the first place was called Biddle House, a quaint historic abode that was a hundred or a couple hundred years old. i stayed there with a couple of my cousin's friends who quickly became my friends. together we saw some unusual things in our travels. we visited millenium park, which featured a waterfall-type thing(not the technical term, clearly, but if you saw it, this is as accurate a description as it gets). there were these LED screens showing faces that looked as if they were spitting water but it was just water coming from a black hole in the screen where the LED face's mouth was. at first glance it was the creepiest thing this side of me in lederhosen you had ever seen, but the little kids there seemed to enjoy it just the same. the faces changed periodically. as soon as i had accepted that, then the face changed to one that resembled martin luther king, jr. as i thought about the great doctor essentially spitting water on little kids, many of them black, i also thought about rain on your wedding day or a free ride when you've already paid and how while those situations are inherently unfortunate, they are just ironic enough to be a hit in six countries.
then again, it was 1996.
those were simpler times.
I loved visiting that park. add that to a boat near Navy Pier named "Viagra"(which just goes to show that compensation exists in more forms than one) and you have a pretty good day so far, which would only get better.
chicago might be the only place i've ever seen other than orlando where there is a two story mcdonald's. you know, because nothing screams "elegance and tiramisu" quite as loud as the hamburglar. then again, it wouldn't be a scream in that case, it would be more of a "robble robble" type deal, wouldn't it?
anyway, there's a bit more to get to, such as random saxophonists and bacon on a stick, that i will next post. see you then.
-Jack Kerouac (On The Road)
hey guys.
i write to you again, this time a refreshed man. i have now seen things i have never seen before and i write to share them with you. my latest sojourn took place in a wonderful city which would be the farthest west i have ever been. but first let's talk about how i got there.
i was on break from work on a busy saturday earlier this year when i got a phone call from my cousin, who was engaged to be married in june of this year. he and i were like brothers growing up, but because he moved to chicago, we didn't talk to each other nearly as often. it was for this reason that this phone call seemed a little odd. he proceeded to ask if i, in his exact words, would honor him by being in his wedding. i quickly said yes not knowing if he had any idea that the honor was in fact mine.
so i quickly went into the backroom at work and requested a week off. there was no way i was missing this wedding. but it was also exciting because i was going to see a city i had heard so much about but never had the pleasure of seeing up close. and a pleasure it would be.
me and my cousin's sister, who is like a sister to me, began the long trip on a wednesday in hopes to arrive on the friday before the wedding, which was on sunday. we drove through Philly and then spent the biggest chunk of the drive in long and windy Pennsylvania...and no, that wasn't a semi-elaborate Beatles reference, Pennsylvania is really long and winding...although i think i'm the only person i know that would have made that connection...
anyway, after the rolling hills and mountain scapes, we drove through ohio, which immediately greeted us with its indiginous brand of boredom so irrepressibly thick it made the viscosity of molasses seem on a par with that of chicken broth. just trees and road for as far as the eye can see...HMMM, I WONDER WHERE ELSE IS LIKE THAT.
after the sleepiness of ohio we were bombarded with vast fields of corn and amber waves of grain in indiana. it was like what i imagine a john mellencamp song might be like if expressed visually, which probably why it threw me off when n'sync came on the iPod. indiana hardly seemed like the place for a digital digital get-down.
before long, we were in illinois. i was pleasantly surprised to know that mike myers and dana carvey didn't make aurora up. sadly, shermer was made up, otherwise i would have insisted we visit.
we stayed in a hotel in schaumburg, illinois for the night before we met with my cousin in chicago the next day. i brimmed with excitement as the chicago skyline drew ever closer. this was the place i had heard so much about. at long last, it was within reach.
i lived rather nomadically during my stay. the first place was called Biddle House, a quaint historic abode that was a hundred or a couple hundred years old. i stayed there with a couple of my cousin's friends who quickly became my friends. together we saw some unusual things in our travels. we visited millenium park, which featured a waterfall-type thing(not the technical term, clearly, but if you saw it, this is as accurate a description as it gets). there were these LED screens showing faces that looked as if they were spitting water but it was just water coming from a black hole in the screen where the LED face's mouth was. at first glance it was the creepiest thing this side of me in lederhosen you had ever seen, but the little kids there seemed to enjoy it just the same. the faces changed periodically. as soon as i had accepted that, then the face changed to one that resembled martin luther king, jr. as i thought about the great doctor essentially spitting water on little kids, many of them black, i also thought about rain on your wedding day or a free ride when you've already paid and how while those situations are inherently unfortunate, they are just ironic enough to be a hit in six countries.
then again, it was 1996.
those were simpler times.
I loved visiting that park. add that to a boat near Navy Pier named "Viagra"(which just goes to show that compensation exists in more forms than one) and you have a pretty good day so far, which would only get better.
chicago might be the only place i've ever seen other than orlando where there is a two story mcdonald's. you know, because nothing screams "elegance and tiramisu" quite as loud as the hamburglar. then again, it wouldn't be a scream in that case, it would be more of a "robble robble" type deal, wouldn't it?
anyway, there's a bit more to get to, such as random saxophonists and bacon on a stick, that i will next post. see you then.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
The Rules of Retail
hey.
its been a while, i know. but as i mentioned in previous posts, i do not find it necessary to write unless there is something to write about.
this time, there is something to write about...oh, is there something to write about.
i've spent a considerable part of the last 4 years woring in retail spread over two jobs. but no matter where i work, there is always one uniting quality.
PEOPLE ARE DUMB.
now, this doesn't refer to everybody...but the amount of dumb people seems to vastly outnumber the ones who don't make me fear for humanity any more than i already do. but the more i thought about it, maybe its not that people are dumb, but more that they are simply not educated on proper shopping ettiquette from the eyes of a working stiff. so tonight, i thought i would lay down a few ground rules that Lord knows common sense and decent home training should have taken care of. but then again, this is the country that uses technology to hide its laziness(see: Roomba).
1. Have Your Money Ready.
I understand that shopping with kids and hectic schedules can disorient you a bit. Those folks have been spared of my wrath for the moment. But if you are standing there staring into space, twiddling your thumbs(you know, because people totally still do that) without a care in the world, you have more than enough time between when I start the transaction and when I am requesting payment to pull out a wallet or a money clip. This is, however, not the time to tell me what a ripoff the store is or how the quality of the clothes at Wal-Mart is better....and honestly, if Wal-Mart wins in your estimation of what quality is, then clearly your problems are far greater than not pulling your money out in a timely manner.
2. Control Your Children...please?
Q: A retail worker is walking toward the front end of his store carrying a large piece of furniture on a flatbed cart going 8 miles an hour. At this same moment your rowdy child decides to dart out in front of the worker at almost the exact same speed. How long will it take before the child is hurt, the worker gets sued, and spends hundreds in phone bills trying to get the Johnnie Cochran Firm to represent him?
A: About the same amount of time it will take you to realize that this isn't a real word problem and that you shouldn't take yourself quite as seriously as you apparently do because if high school taught you anything, it's that nobody likes an overachiever...except maybe Mary Kay Letourneau...
But seriously folks, i've just narrowly escaped situations like the one above. I try my hardest to work safely and properly, but i can only do so much. Being a parent comes with certain responsibilities. When I was a kid, my mom would always quote this passage from the book of Luke: "To whom much is given, much is required."
3. Big Object: Big Car.
This one is common sense. If you are buying a couch, you wouldn't bring a Pinto, would you? Right. I'm glad you use your brain. I wish others would do the same. But today I put a grill in the back seat of a Mercedes, almost a year to the day when I put a pool in a Mini Cooper.
Yes, I remember the day. There's no forgetting that kind of stupid.
If you are buying a big object, BRING A BIG CAR!!!!!!! And if it can't fit in the trunk, bring some bungie cords or something. i am not a miracle worker...although that pool in the Mini thing was kinda miraculous...
and lastly....
4. Recognize The Difference Between a Retail Worker and a Punching Bag.
If we tell you we don't carry something, it's generally because WE DONT HAVE IT!!!!! I am sorry if this upsets you, but it doesn't change the fact that I cannot give it to you right now. So guess how much I care when you yell and stomp and storm out and aggressively grab your child's hand and tell him or her to stop being a brat and they they can't always get what they want.
Also, we are the lower rung of the retail ladder. we are not quality control. so it's not my fault that the wool cap you bought on clearance for a dollar unraveled while you were wearing it.
Why would you come to a department store for a high quality anything??????? I'm sorry, but if you're looking for Gibson quality in your kid's first guitar, you won't find it in a First Act. It's much more cost-effective to tattoo "I'm Cheap" on your forehead so your kid knows why the nut broke a week after buying it.
OK....i feel better now.
Follow these simple rules and you will be a better, more efficient shopper in no time!!!!!
L8R.
its been a while, i know. but as i mentioned in previous posts, i do not find it necessary to write unless there is something to write about.
this time, there is something to write about...oh, is there something to write about.
i've spent a considerable part of the last 4 years woring in retail spread over two jobs. but no matter where i work, there is always one uniting quality.
PEOPLE ARE DUMB.
now, this doesn't refer to everybody...but the amount of dumb people seems to vastly outnumber the ones who don't make me fear for humanity any more than i already do. but the more i thought about it, maybe its not that people are dumb, but more that they are simply not educated on proper shopping ettiquette from the eyes of a working stiff. so tonight, i thought i would lay down a few ground rules that Lord knows common sense and decent home training should have taken care of. but then again, this is the country that uses technology to hide its laziness(see: Roomba).
1. Have Your Money Ready.
I understand that shopping with kids and hectic schedules can disorient you a bit. Those folks have been spared of my wrath for the moment. But if you are standing there staring into space, twiddling your thumbs(you know, because people totally still do that) without a care in the world, you have more than enough time between when I start the transaction and when I am requesting payment to pull out a wallet or a money clip. This is, however, not the time to tell me what a ripoff the store is or how the quality of the clothes at Wal-Mart is better....and honestly, if Wal-Mart wins in your estimation of what quality is, then clearly your problems are far greater than not pulling your money out in a timely manner.
2. Control Your Children...please?
Q: A retail worker is walking toward the front end of his store carrying a large piece of furniture on a flatbed cart going 8 miles an hour. At this same moment your rowdy child decides to dart out in front of the worker at almost the exact same speed. How long will it take before the child is hurt, the worker gets sued, and spends hundreds in phone bills trying to get the Johnnie Cochran Firm to represent him?
A: About the same amount of time it will take you to realize that this isn't a real word problem and that you shouldn't take yourself quite as seriously as you apparently do because if high school taught you anything, it's that nobody likes an overachiever...except maybe Mary Kay Letourneau...
But seriously folks, i've just narrowly escaped situations like the one above. I try my hardest to work safely and properly, but i can only do so much. Being a parent comes with certain responsibilities. When I was a kid, my mom would always quote this passage from the book of Luke: "To whom much is given, much is required."
3. Big Object: Big Car.
This one is common sense. If you are buying a couch, you wouldn't bring a Pinto, would you? Right. I'm glad you use your brain. I wish others would do the same. But today I put a grill in the back seat of a Mercedes, almost a year to the day when I put a pool in a Mini Cooper.
Yes, I remember the day. There's no forgetting that kind of stupid.
If you are buying a big object, BRING A BIG CAR!!!!!!! And if it can't fit in the trunk, bring some bungie cords or something. i am not a miracle worker...although that pool in the Mini thing was kinda miraculous...
and lastly....
4. Recognize The Difference Between a Retail Worker and a Punching Bag.
If we tell you we don't carry something, it's generally because WE DONT HAVE IT!!!!! I am sorry if this upsets you, but it doesn't change the fact that I cannot give it to you right now. So guess how much I care when you yell and stomp and storm out and aggressively grab your child's hand and tell him or her to stop being a brat and they they can't always get what they want.
Also, we are the lower rung of the retail ladder. we are not quality control. so it's not my fault that the wool cap you bought on clearance for a dollar unraveled while you were wearing it.
Why would you come to a department store for a high quality anything??????? I'm sorry, but if you're looking for Gibson quality in your kid's first guitar, you won't find it in a First Act. It's much more cost-effective to tattoo "I'm Cheap" on your forehead so your kid knows why the nut broke a week after buying it.
OK....i feel better now.
Follow these simple rules and you will be a better, more efficient shopper in no time!!!!!
L8R.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Of A Broken Heart
"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."
-Dr. Martin Luther King
*the following contains a true story from which the names have been omitted out of respect to all involved.
good morning everyone.
it is good to be back writing blog posts again. i apologize for not writing sooner. It is the opinion of this writer that it would not be advisable to write unless there was something to be said, and up until i write this post, it felt like i wasn't saying anything new let alone of value.
but now i think i am. i wish it could be under better circumstances, but nonetheless i have something new to say. as you could probably tell by the title, this post strikes an arguably more serious tone than the earlier ones. because it is serious. and even though it won't go away, the idealist in me hopes someday it will.
breakups are a part of life, just as much as the getting together. it hurts. there's no getting around the pain, just figuring out a way through it. folks, this getting through part is where you find me. any other time this period would not be as long, but it is the circumstances of this breakup that still have me reeling.
it was february 8th. i was hanging out with a friend of mine after class who was meeting up with a group of his friends. being the social butterfly i had become, i said sure, let's hang. we sat down at a big round table and his friends welcomed me with open arms. but there was this one girl that grabbed my attention not long after the initial meeting. and she refused to relinquish control. i would describe her for you, but that would be out of line here and honestly, i don't have the day it would require to explain all the wonder she is let alone the wonder i saw that day. but she had me. and the thing about it was that i wasn't looking for anyone at that particular moment and neither was she. but that made it beautiful. we texted each other so much in the week that followed that i'm fairly certain i talked to he more than i did my mother.
a week after meeting i felt like i had known her for years. her best friend(who insists they are the same person and i would have to agree)was quick to ask if i liked her. with no hesitation, i said yes. i was then asked if i would date her, and again i answered yes with no delay. after her class, she sat down next to me. she then proceeded to hold my hand. it was then i knew what i was feeling all that week had been reciprocated. at dinner, the question arose if we were official. without and doubt or trepidation, she looked at me and said yes.
i had a girlfriend.
huzzah!!!
ok......so i don't know anyone who actually makes that noise in jubilation, but it seems to work here, though.
for the three weeks that followed, i was the happiest bloke that you ever did see. her name rang in my ears all day without ceasing. if anything ever bothered me, i knew my love was a text message away. and she knew that she could lean on me if anything went wrong in her world. she would worry about me when i walked home from work at night. we kept our relationship low-key, so that no one would make a big deal about it. we didn't put it on facebook on purpose for it seems fairly ridiculous that two people need the Zuckerberg Touch to make a relationship magically more official. and if you are of the opinion that you do need it, then.... you might be an idiot. quit playing farmville and go experience real nature. it'll change your life.
things were going beautifully. i had mentioned that i was seeing someone to my mom. she seemed okay with it. this was a great shock to me because i never had that conversation with her before. but id tell my mom because this girl was the first one i felt worthy of meeting my mother. i knew she was right, i knew it in every last fiber of my being. she was on her way to tell her parents too.
now...this is the part where things go downhill. grab the Kleenex ladies, here's your Mufasa Moment.
she told her mom and her dad that she was seeing me. this was okay...right up until they figured out i was black. this drastically changed the stuation, so much so that her mother soon after said, "don't come home pregnant."
ignorant to say? absolutely. but i've heard my share of ignorant things in my 22 years and i'm sure i'll be hearing more, i thought. might as well get used to it. but it gets so much better.
a few days later, she comes to me upset. she says her mom has been hinting at the fact that her dating me, a black man, was not the most desirable choice. in her mother's words, i would "ruin her reputation" and eventually her life. i was slowly becoming a victim of the very stereotype i had spent most of my life trying to defy. but my love never left my side. but things really got bad a few days later.
exactly three weeks tothe day we got together, i knew something was wrong. when i went to meet her, she wasn't herself. the time she would spend cuddling with me was now being used to play cards. eventually, she could no longer hide what she had to say. as the words rolled jaggedly off of her tongue, it was like a Matrix slow-motion gunshot wound to the chest. as a matter of fact, i would have preferred the gunshot. probably would have hurt less.
she told me her mother had given her an ultimatum. stop dating the black kid, or lose your car and your home.
it was like someone stabbing you 10 times and then again just to the left of those places just to make sure you bled out.
people these days seem to think that racism is like your dead grandfather's priceless wooden antique clock that got tragically destroyed in a house fire. not enough of it survived to maintain any redeeming qualities, so all you have to show for it is the pain of loss from all the pieces of it that remain. the truth is that racism, as much as we'd like to think so, didn't die with bellbottoms. instead it has become the Power Rangers of sociopolitical relations in this country. nobody talks about it nor does anyone really want it there, but there's always somebody keeping it alive.
words don't fail me often, but when it comes to describing how much this hurt, the examples above don't even come close. she had her house, her car, and me on the line. i just had her. so in other words, she lost me, and i lost everything.
i waited a week to write this mostly because there have been maybe two days in the last seven where thinking about it wasn't been suitable impetus to run into a bathroom and cry my eyes out. i had been told that i cannot be happy because of the color of my skin. i ad been told that out of all of the flaws of mine that are well within my control, i was denied because of the one thing i had no control over. my hands were tied, and my love was taken from me. the most i could do was watch her leave. so now i fake smile hoping that at some point i will be okay with any of this. but i maintain the sneaking suspicion that i won't.
if there is a moral to be found, it is this. love who you want to love. if you're a white female prep student from connecticut and you fall for a half-polynesian, half-kenyan boy from nebraska(far-fetched, i know, just go with me me here), then do it. it may not be logical in the eyes of some, but love and logic are two very different schools of thought. the heart and the mind are rarely ever in agreement. so if you have the chance(and really open minded parents), love someone. even if they don't look like you. Choose to love someone even if they aren't totally white, or totally black. because i'm sure that an ancestry.com visit will show you that you aren't either.
that is all for now. i hope to be less of a downer next post than i am now.
leave comments if you would like.
god bless, and love each other.
-Dr. Martin Luther King
*the following contains a true story from which the names have been omitted out of respect to all involved.
good morning everyone.
it is good to be back writing blog posts again. i apologize for not writing sooner. It is the opinion of this writer that it would not be advisable to write unless there was something to be said, and up until i write this post, it felt like i wasn't saying anything new let alone of value.
but now i think i am. i wish it could be under better circumstances, but nonetheless i have something new to say. as you could probably tell by the title, this post strikes an arguably more serious tone than the earlier ones. because it is serious. and even though it won't go away, the idealist in me hopes someday it will.
breakups are a part of life, just as much as the getting together. it hurts. there's no getting around the pain, just figuring out a way through it. folks, this getting through part is where you find me. any other time this period would not be as long, but it is the circumstances of this breakup that still have me reeling.
it was february 8th. i was hanging out with a friend of mine after class who was meeting up with a group of his friends. being the social butterfly i had become, i said sure, let's hang. we sat down at a big round table and his friends welcomed me with open arms. but there was this one girl that grabbed my attention not long after the initial meeting. and she refused to relinquish control. i would describe her for you, but that would be out of line here and honestly, i don't have the day it would require to explain all the wonder she is let alone the wonder i saw that day. but she had me. and the thing about it was that i wasn't looking for anyone at that particular moment and neither was she. but that made it beautiful. we texted each other so much in the week that followed that i'm fairly certain i talked to he more than i did my mother.
a week after meeting i felt like i had known her for years. her best friend(who insists they are the same person and i would have to agree)was quick to ask if i liked her. with no hesitation, i said yes. i was then asked if i would date her, and again i answered yes with no delay. after her class, she sat down next to me. she then proceeded to hold my hand. it was then i knew what i was feeling all that week had been reciprocated. at dinner, the question arose if we were official. without and doubt or trepidation, she looked at me and said yes.
i had a girlfriend.
huzzah!!!
ok......so i don't know anyone who actually makes that noise in jubilation, but it seems to work here, though.
for the three weeks that followed, i was the happiest bloke that you ever did see. her name rang in my ears all day without ceasing. if anything ever bothered me, i knew my love was a text message away. and she knew that she could lean on me if anything went wrong in her world. she would worry about me when i walked home from work at night. we kept our relationship low-key, so that no one would make a big deal about it. we didn't put it on facebook on purpose for it seems fairly ridiculous that two people need the Zuckerberg Touch to make a relationship magically more official. and if you are of the opinion that you do need it, then.... you might be an idiot. quit playing farmville and go experience real nature. it'll change your life.
things were going beautifully. i had mentioned that i was seeing someone to my mom. she seemed okay with it. this was a great shock to me because i never had that conversation with her before. but id tell my mom because this girl was the first one i felt worthy of meeting my mother. i knew she was right, i knew it in every last fiber of my being. she was on her way to tell her parents too.
now...this is the part where things go downhill. grab the Kleenex ladies, here's your Mufasa Moment.
she told her mom and her dad that she was seeing me. this was okay...right up until they figured out i was black. this drastically changed the stuation, so much so that her mother soon after said, "don't come home pregnant."
ignorant to say? absolutely. but i've heard my share of ignorant things in my 22 years and i'm sure i'll be hearing more, i thought. might as well get used to it. but it gets so much better.
a few days later, she comes to me upset. she says her mom has been hinting at the fact that her dating me, a black man, was not the most desirable choice. in her mother's words, i would "ruin her reputation" and eventually her life. i was slowly becoming a victim of the very stereotype i had spent most of my life trying to defy. but my love never left my side. but things really got bad a few days later.
exactly three weeks tothe day we got together, i knew something was wrong. when i went to meet her, she wasn't herself. the time she would spend cuddling with me was now being used to play cards. eventually, she could no longer hide what she had to say. as the words rolled jaggedly off of her tongue, it was like a Matrix slow-motion gunshot wound to the chest. as a matter of fact, i would have preferred the gunshot. probably would have hurt less.
she told me her mother had given her an ultimatum. stop dating the black kid, or lose your car and your home.
it was like someone stabbing you 10 times and then again just to the left of those places just to make sure you bled out.
people these days seem to think that racism is like your dead grandfather's priceless wooden antique clock that got tragically destroyed in a house fire. not enough of it survived to maintain any redeeming qualities, so all you have to show for it is the pain of loss from all the pieces of it that remain. the truth is that racism, as much as we'd like to think so, didn't die with bellbottoms. instead it has become the Power Rangers of sociopolitical relations in this country. nobody talks about it nor does anyone really want it there, but there's always somebody keeping it alive.
words don't fail me often, but when it comes to describing how much this hurt, the examples above don't even come close. she had her house, her car, and me on the line. i just had her. so in other words, she lost me, and i lost everything.
i waited a week to write this mostly because there have been maybe two days in the last seven where thinking about it wasn't been suitable impetus to run into a bathroom and cry my eyes out. i had been told that i cannot be happy because of the color of my skin. i ad been told that out of all of the flaws of mine that are well within my control, i was denied because of the one thing i had no control over. my hands were tied, and my love was taken from me. the most i could do was watch her leave. so now i fake smile hoping that at some point i will be okay with any of this. but i maintain the sneaking suspicion that i won't.
if there is a moral to be found, it is this. love who you want to love. if you're a white female prep student from connecticut and you fall for a half-polynesian, half-kenyan boy from nebraska(far-fetched, i know, just go with me me here), then do it. it may not be logical in the eyes of some, but love and logic are two very different schools of thought. the heart and the mind are rarely ever in agreement. so if you have the chance(and really open minded parents), love someone. even if they don't look like you. Choose to love someone even if they aren't totally white, or totally black. because i'm sure that an ancestry.com visit will show you that you aren't either.
that is all for now. i hope to be less of a downer next post than i am now.
leave comments if you would like.
god bless, and love each other.
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