hello everyone.
it has been some time since we last spoke. i bet you guys are wondering what i've been doing all that time. well, to answer your question, i've been busy with all the normal stuff. work. school. walking past fitness center windows with a Five Guys burger in one hand and in the other a sign with an arrow pointing to the burger reading "You really chose free weights over this?"
you know, the usual.
but as this year draws to a close, i join millions of my fellow americans in taking inventory of my life and figuring out what i need to do to improve upon the design in the coming year. but if you're anything like me, such an undertaking is rather depressing......okay, really depressing.
why?
because the last few years have ended and begun in almost exactly the same way with me doing the same thing. infact, i believe my last blog post pertained to this as well. but this time, i would like to slant things in a bold new direction. the problem wasn't as much what was happening but more what i chose to focus on.
unless you're a member of the tea party, you have far too good of an idea of what economic hardship is. it is not a new concept. but while i spent so much time focusing on all that was wrong in my life, i was watching the good pass me by.
there is so much good in all of us that the hardship of daily life blinds us from. when your girlfriend or boyfriend made you laugh. the one time you seized an opportunity to make someone's day better. whatever it is, its lost in us thinking we are failures for not doing the things we set out to do so long ago.
so do me a favor. this christmas season, hug the ones you love. you affect them in ways you may never fully be cognizant of. but these people are the reminders of the good in and around you. this christmas, thank them for the gifts shared for somewhere the same blessing will not befall a young child. this christmas, take time to remember that this holiday is more than just getting that iPod touch. Its about the lives you touch. It's about those who have touched you. Its not meant to celebrate your failure, but all you've done right. and at the end you will see that those successes are the ones that really matter.
i love all of you for reading this and putting up with my ranting about everything and nothing. you can be sure there will be more to come next year.
God Bless You All and Have a Safe and Wonderful Holiday Season!!!!
Mike
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Congratulations, Go Home Now
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."
-Hebrews 11:1
allo, guvnah!
today i want to talk about dreams, or more how working in retail has made those dreams seem so far away. for those of you who don't already know, i work as a cart attendant at target. i spent another long day today doing a seemingly endless job. the life of a cart attendant is sort of like spending eight hours in a gym playing a 1 on 30 pickup game of basketball and the end of which no one shakes hands or says "good game" but instead they endlessly criticize your jump shot and lack of zone defense.
this is not to say i don't like my job. i mean, i don't, but i think my dislike for it is kind of like how a group of girls view the really pretty new girl in school who gets all the male attention. they have no real reason to hate her other than to attain some sick twisted sense of feminine legitimacy. the fact is i cant hate my job because i love the people there and that's the only reason it's even remotely tolerable and i thank them for that. but the heart wants what the heart wants. and this brings me the point i've wasted a paragraph trying to make.
recently i got to thinking about what i was doing in my life, and i realized it wasn't very much of anything. my whole existence has been in what is essentially a couple of square miles. but my dreams were very different. they never knew nor do they now know of man-made restrictions or state lines. whether feasable or not my dreams have always been so much bigger than voorhees. bigger than jersey. bigger than wawas, or irratic weather patterns or people who pronounce "water" as if an "a" never occurred. and for a moment it seemed clear. but that's when it all went wrong.
first of all, i've had many dreams in my day. when i was 6 i wanted to be a car salesman. by 9 i wanted to be jack hanna's black counterpart. by 15 it was forensic scientist. by 19 i was so sure i wanted to be an audio engineer and i am glad to say i got to see that dream to reality. however in the last year financial problems have led me to the very debate i wished i'd never have to have.
do i do what i love, or do i do what will probably lead me to be that homeless dude whose very existence is solely contingent on the success of a message on cardboard for the drivers near the onramp of I-295?
but it gets worse. i also needed to figure out what i loved, because i realized there was very little life in music anymore, at least not an honest one. these days everything has been so polished that i didn't want to be involved in a heartless music scene. so i needed a new strategy, but the fear of my future made finding a new dream harder than finding a needle in a barn full of haystacks. so i thought then that maybe i should step away from the whole thing in hopes of making things more clear cut and organized only to find that things only ended up worse after i bailed(baled)....sorry guys......i had to do it.
i wanted something more. i new way of being, of thinking. i wanted a new life.
i knew if i wanted to change my life, i had to fix some stuff. i've always been the kinda guy who stats more things than he finishes. i've never been a good sightreader, but i know enough to know that its a bad thing to play staccato when the would is playing legato. i had to start with the little things. like for instance, i had be better in classes. i had to be a better person. i had to expose my palette to a world other than ramen.
hold on, lemme explain.........hell hasn't frozen over.
this doesn't mean i'd quit the stuff. i never will, especially not when i currently eat it all the while imagining that in some alternate Camelot-esque universe there is a Nissin factory that gets its tasty noodles from grinding the bones of this year's incoming freshman class...try it, upperclassmen, i swear it makes it taste better.
while all of this was happening i was taking to this very blog and writing about all that was wrong in my world and all that could be done to make it right.
and that's when things got better.
you see, i was so wrapped up in my fear that i forgot to have faith that everything would work out. everything around suggested the contrary, but to believe anyway is the textbook definition of faith. when i wrote these blogs, it wasn't because i was trying to make you laugh, even though i do take great joy in making others smile. i did it because it made me come alive. writing made me believe that a life beyond this garden state was actually possible. i believed that i could achieve anything as long as i had faith, a pen, a pad and an open mind. i believed that things were nowhere as bad as i had made them out to be in my head and that i still have time to see my latest dream to fruition.
so i urge all of you, no matter young or old, chase your dreams, no matter how ridiculous everyone else around you might find it. and don't worry about it not working out. just keep pushing. keep practicing that jump shot and guard your man. if you have faith, everything has a funny way of falling into place. then, you won't have to worry that 1 on 30 pickup game because by the time you finally realize your dreams, the playing field will have already leveled itself.
-Hebrews 11:1
allo, guvnah!
today i want to talk about dreams, or more how working in retail has made those dreams seem so far away. for those of you who don't already know, i work as a cart attendant at target. i spent another long day today doing a seemingly endless job. the life of a cart attendant is sort of like spending eight hours in a gym playing a 1 on 30 pickup game of basketball and the end of which no one shakes hands or says "good game" but instead they endlessly criticize your jump shot and lack of zone defense.
this is not to say i don't like my job. i mean, i don't, but i think my dislike for it is kind of like how a group of girls view the really pretty new girl in school who gets all the male attention. they have no real reason to hate her other than to attain some sick twisted sense of feminine legitimacy. the fact is i cant hate my job because i love the people there and that's the only reason it's even remotely tolerable and i thank them for that. but the heart wants what the heart wants. and this brings me the point i've wasted a paragraph trying to make.
recently i got to thinking about what i was doing in my life, and i realized it wasn't very much of anything. my whole existence has been in what is essentially a couple of square miles. but my dreams were very different. they never knew nor do they now know of man-made restrictions or state lines. whether feasable or not my dreams have always been so much bigger than voorhees. bigger than jersey. bigger than wawas, or irratic weather patterns or people who pronounce "water" as if an "a" never occurred. and for a moment it seemed clear. but that's when it all went wrong.
first of all, i've had many dreams in my day. when i was 6 i wanted to be a car salesman. by 9 i wanted to be jack hanna's black counterpart. by 15 it was forensic scientist. by 19 i was so sure i wanted to be an audio engineer and i am glad to say i got to see that dream to reality. however in the last year financial problems have led me to the very debate i wished i'd never have to have.
do i do what i love, or do i do what will probably lead me to be that homeless dude whose very existence is solely contingent on the success of a message on cardboard for the drivers near the onramp of I-295?
but it gets worse. i also needed to figure out what i loved, because i realized there was very little life in music anymore, at least not an honest one. these days everything has been so polished that i didn't want to be involved in a heartless music scene. so i needed a new strategy, but the fear of my future made finding a new dream harder than finding a needle in a barn full of haystacks. so i thought then that maybe i should step away from the whole thing in hopes of making things more clear cut and organized only to find that things only ended up worse after i bailed(baled)....sorry guys......i had to do it.
i wanted something more. i new way of being, of thinking. i wanted a new life.
i knew if i wanted to change my life, i had to fix some stuff. i've always been the kinda guy who stats more things than he finishes. i've never been a good sightreader, but i know enough to know that its a bad thing to play staccato when the would is playing legato. i had to start with the little things. like for instance, i had be better in classes. i had to be a better person. i had to expose my palette to a world other than ramen.
hold on, lemme explain.........hell hasn't frozen over.
this doesn't mean i'd quit the stuff. i never will, especially not when i currently eat it all the while imagining that in some alternate Camelot-esque universe there is a Nissin factory that gets its tasty noodles from grinding the bones of this year's incoming freshman class...try it, upperclassmen, i swear it makes it taste better.
while all of this was happening i was taking to this very blog and writing about all that was wrong in my world and all that could be done to make it right.
and that's when things got better.
you see, i was so wrapped up in my fear that i forgot to have faith that everything would work out. everything around suggested the contrary, but to believe anyway is the textbook definition of faith. when i wrote these blogs, it wasn't because i was trying to make you laugh, even though i do take great joy in making others smile. i did it because it made me come alive. writing made me believe that a life beyond this garden state was actually possible. i believed that i could achieve anything as long as i had faith, a pen, a pad and an open mind. i believed that things were nowhere as bad as i had made them out to be in my head and that i still have time to see my latest dream to fruition.
so i urge all of you, no matter young or old, chase your dreams, no matter how ridiculous everyone else around you might find it. and don't worry about it not working out. just keep pushing. keep practicing that jump shot and guard your man. if you have faith, everything has a funny way of falling into place. then, you won't have to worry that 1 on 30 pickup game because by the time you finally realize your dreams, the playing field will have already leveled itself.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Grey Matters.
"And as you wish that others would do to you, so do to them."
-Luke 6:31
guten tag.
today i want to talk about fear. what is it that scares us the most? spiders? heights? me in Spandex?(not that i've ever worn Spandex but you can only imagine with my hairy legs...)
there was a study i read some time ago that suggested that most are afraid of speaking in front of others, followed by death. but one look at society as a whole was enough for me to deem this assessment horribly inacurate. the fact is that nothing in this world scares us more than something that is new. something that is different. something is more gray than either black or white. something that doesn't fit into the boxes our parents and the tv built for us as kids. but there is something far scarier than this that we fail to recognize. but what could be scarier than that, kids???
i'll tell you.
how we react when things don't fit neatly in our messed up little heads is truly the scariest thing in the world. how we react to these situations is the most telling about who we are as individuals.
this month alone there have been about 5 or 6 suicides in the lgbt community. what does this have to do with my topic? everything. as a kid in church i was taught that homosexuality was sin. whether or not you agree, the fact is that somebody somewhere is being bullied more than likely because he or she is gay and eventually he or she had reached a breaking point. no one should have to get to that point. NO ONE.
the reason i bring my faith into this is because...
1-my faith affects every part of my life
2-all i see anymore are these ridiculous people protesting the gay community as a whole yet they want to call themselves Christians.
yeah...you guys...i'm coming after you.....
IF YOU'RE GONNA PRETEND THAT YOU'RE CHRISTIANS, THEN DO ME THE SIMPLE FAVOR OF KNOWING THE BIBLE FIRST. HOMOSEXUALITY IS NOT THE WORST SIN IN THE WORLD. IF YOU BOTHERED TO READ YOUR BIBLES, YOU WOULD KNOW THAT GOD LOOKS AT ALL SIN AS BAD. NO ONE THING IS WORSE THAN THE OTHER. AND TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST, WHAT YOU GUYS AND GIRLS ARE DOING IS FAR WORSE THAT THE THINGS YOU ACCUSE THE GAY COMMUNITY OF DOING!!!!! THE BIBLE DOES NOT GIVE US THE RIGHT TO JUDGE ANYONE BASED ON ANYTHING BECAUSE WE ALL HAVE SINNED. IF WE HAD THAT RIGHT, WHAT WOULD BE THE POINT OF JUDGEMENT DAY????????????????????????
I AM REALLY GETTING SICK OF YOU GUYS COMPLAINING ABOUT DUMB STUFF! DO YOU WANT SOMETHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT? IS THAT THE PROBLEM? WELL THEN, GO FIND A NEIGHBOR EITHER FROM OR WITH A FAMILY MEMBER FROM HAITI AND ASK THEM HOW THE FOOD TASTES...THEN MAYBE YOU CAN GET A FEW POINTERS IN THE COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(panting heavily)
ok.....now im good....
the point i want to make is this.... so what if you don't like a man dating another man, what does that have to do with how you treat that person? we are made to live different lives, to believe different things and to coexist, but we are also made to love. so when you see someone being bullied, stop it. tell someone. we cannot afford to lose another life...we couldn't afford to lose the ones we have already lost. when you see something different that doesn't fit into the catergory of black or white, don't turn up your nose to it...embrace it...because remember, the gray area does matter.
-Luke 6:31
guten tag.
today i want to talk about fear. what is it that scares us the most? spiders? heights? me in Spandex?(not that i've ever worn Spandex but you can only imagine with my hairy legs...)
there was a study i read some time ago that suggested that most are afraid of speaking in front of others, followed by death. but one look at society as a whole was enough for me to deem this assessment horribly inacurate. the fact is that nothing in this world scares us more than something that is new. something that is different. something is more gray than either black or white. something that doesn't fit into the boxes our parents and the tv built for us as kids. but there is something far scarier than this that we fail to recognize. but what could be scarier than that, kids???
i'll tell you.
how we react when things don't fit neatly in our messed up little heads is truly the scariest thing in the world. how we react to these situations is the most telling about who we are as individuals.
this month alone there have been about 5 or 6 suicides in the lgbt community. what does this have to do with my topic? everything. as a kid in church i was taught that homosexuality was sin. whether or not you agree, the fact is that somebody somewhere is being bullied more than likely because he or she is gay and eventually he or she had reached a breaking point. no one should have to get to that point. NO ONE.
the reason i bring my faith into this is because...
1-my faith affects every part of my life
2-all i see anymore are these ridiculous people protesting the gay community as a whole yet they want to call themselves Christians.
yeah...you guys...i'm coming after you.....
IF YOU'RE GONNA PRETEND THAT YOU'RE CHRISTIANS, THEN DO ME THE SIMPLE FAVOR OF KNOWING THE BIBLE FIRST. HOMOSEXUALITY IS NOT THE WORST SIN IN THE WORLD. IF YOU BOTHERED TO READ YOUR BIBLES, YOU WOULD KNOW THAT GOD LOOKS AT ALL SIN AS BAD. NO ONE THING IS WORSE THAN THE OTHER. AND TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST, WHAT YOU GUYS AND GIRLS ARE DOING IS FAR WORSE THAT THE THINGS YOU ACCUSE THE GAY COMMUNITY OF DOING!!!!! THE BIBLE DOES NOT GIVE US THE RIGHT TO JUDGE ANYONE BASED ON ANYTHING BECAUSE WE ALL HAVE SINNED. IF WE HAD THAT RIGHT, WHAT WOULD BE THE POINT OF JUDGEMENT DAY????????????????????????
I AM REALLY GETTING SICK OF YOU GUYS COMPLAINING ABOUT DUMB STUFF! DO YOU WANT SOMETHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT? IS THAT THE PROBLEM? WELL THEN, GO FIND A NEIGHBOR EITHER FROM OR WITH A FAMILY MEMBER FROM HAITI AND ASK THEM HOW THE FOOD TASTES...THEN MAYBE YOU CAN GET A FEW POINTERS IN THE COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(panting heavily)
ok.....now im good....
the point i want to make is this.... so what if you don't like a man dating another man, what does that have to do with how you treat that person? we are made to live different lives, to believe different things and to coexist, but we are also made to love. so when you see someone being bullied, stop it. tell someone. we cannot afford to lose another life...we couldn't afford to lose the ones we have already lost. when you see something different that doesn't fit into the catergory of black or white, don't turn up your nose to it...embrace it...because remember, the gray area does matter.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Video Killed The Radio Star.....On Second Thought, Maybe It Was Ke$ha....
"Forsake not an old friend; for the new is not comperable to him: a new friend is as new wine; when it is old, thou shall drink it with pleasure."
-Ecclesiastes 4:10
sup fool.
today the text box will be filled with the same thing that fills my ears everyday. and no, it's not the thousands of screaming girls outside my window anxiously awaiting my next blog post all the while offering to have my babies....that's what earplugs are for.
i was referring, of course, to music. i love it. i love everything about it. except bieber...but then again calling that music is giving him entirely too much credit. but this is the point of my post today....
WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MUSIC??????????????????
when i was a kid, there was a time where i could turn on the radio and know who was singing. there was a time where actual singing talent was worth something. there was a time where a money took a backseat to melody.
im sad to say folks...that's gone.
it's hard to know who's singing when everyone sounds the same. it's hard when everyone would rather sound like an Auto-Tuned robot bent on total domination of originality. its hard when nobody knows enough about musical arrangement to realize that the only time two notes in a melody ever worked was beethoven's fifth symphony. but however, i cannot lay the blame for the sad state of affairs we call popular music solely at the feet of those creating the music for i know their 15 minutes are almost up.
tik tok, ke$ha....tik tok.
the blame also goes to today's consumer, so ignorant of the music that came before that the music of today is all he or she knows. i can count on one hand the amount of kids today just can't get enough of Depeche Mode or whose Third Eye isn't Blind or said Yes to the Rush one experiences when going to hear a Symphony X at the Dream Theater in Kansas....i've had a lot of time to think about this.
for a while it felt like i would have to pull a don mclean and write about the day the music died.
and then it hit me.
what is the point of music? why do we listen to music? what is the purpose of it? we can discuss the nuts and bolts and mechanics of it for hours on end, but it all comes back to one thing...music moves people. it is designed for us to feel something. more specifically, it is made to make people happy. so what if it completely defies what music theory was designed to create? if it makes somebody smile, then it's done its job. and somewhere down the line i lost sight of that and i know many others have as well. i became so fond of what was that i didn't see what is. i may not love what comes out, but what i do love is that it makes people move, and that it makes people smile. so in that respect, i'm sorta okay with the music of today.
....but i still hate justin bieber with every fiber of my being.
that's all i got for now. if you like what you read comment please.
l8r.
-Ecclesiastes 4:10
sup fool.
today the text box will be filled with the same thing that fills my ears everyday. and no, it's not the thousands of screaming girls outside my window anxiously awaiting my next blog post all the while offering to have my babies....that's what earplugs are for.
i was referring, of course, to music. i love it. i love everything about it. except bieber...but then again calling that music is giving him entirely too much credit. but this is the point of my post today....
WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MUSIC??????????????????
when i was a kid, there was a time where i could turn on the radio and know who was singing. there was a time where actual singing talent was worth something. there was a time where a money took a backseat to melody.
im sad to say folks...that's gone.
it's hard to know who's singing when everyone sounds the same. it's hard when everyone would rather sound like an Auto-Tuned robot bent on total domination of originality. its hard when nobody knows enough about musical arrangement to realize that the only time two notes in a melody ever worked was beethoven's fifth symphony. but however, i cannot lay the blame for the sad state of affairs we call popular music solely at the feet of those creating the music for i know their 15 minutes are almost up.
tik tok, ke$ha....tik tok.
the blame also goes to today's consumer, so ignorant of the music that came before that the music of today is all he or she knows. i can count on one hand the amount of kids today just can't get enough of Depeche Mode or whose Third Eye isn't Blind or said Yes to the Rush one experiences when going to hear a Symphony X at the Dream Theater in Kansas....i've had a lot of time to think about this.
for a while it felt like i would have to pull a don mclean and write about the day the music died.
and then it hit me.
what is the point of music? why do we listen to music? what is the purpose of it? we can discuss the nuts and bolts and mechanics of it for hours on end, but it all comes back to one thing...music moves people. it is designed for us to feel something. more specifically, it is made to make people happy. so what if it completely defies what music theory was designed to create? if it makes somebody smile, then it's done its job. and somewhere down the line i lost sight of that and i know many others have as well. i became so fond of what was that i didn't see what is. i may not love what comes out, but what i do love is that it makes people move, and that it makes people smile. so in that respect, i'm sorta okay with the music of today.
....but i still hate justin bieber with every fiber of my being.
that's all i got for now. if you like what you read comment please.
l8r.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Notes From Venus...
"Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him who is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?"
-Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
ahoy.
i take to the seas on the s.s blog yet again to discuss something i have never understood ever....women. they are a complicated breed and what makes it worse is they are totally aware of it. don't get me wrong, i respect women immensely. i was raised by a single mom, so i have some small understanding of what women have to deal with. and i understand women feel the exact same way about men. so i'm writing this for men and against men, and vice versa as an attempt to create some understanding among the sexes. its not that we speak different languages, but that we don't speak the same language the same way. it's like trying to speak french in france versus trying it in montreal. the langauge is the same, but the way it's spoken is almost entirely different. so let's get some harmony and understanding happening...ladies first.
LADIES....
you know i love y'all. but there are a few things i will never understand. the most baffling thing is probably this....
you see, some people have issues with PDA(Public Display of Affection). personally, i don't, but I do have a big issue with PDP(Public Discussion of Periods). first of all, ewwwww. secondly, did i say ewwwww already? and third, its bad enough maxi pad commercials are getting in the way of my enjoyment of ron jaworski's color commentary on sportscenter. what is the purpose of discussing it out loud for the world to hear? our sex lives in conversation are shameful and taboo but bleeding out on a monthly basis is totally in play? where is the line drawn? this position is not coming from a place of ignorance, i assure you. i know what happens. you know what happens. heck, anyone who passed middle school knows what happens...not that most of you out there haven't yet passed middle school, but im simply trying to consider my fans in arkansas and mississippi who are probably having their "yankee" friends read it to them very slowly while trying unsuccessfully to understand those tricky big words like "place" or "middle". what can i say? i'm an equal opportunity writer. sue me.
i understand that women have to work a lot harder than men to survive in this world. but i hardly think that not talking about your time of the month is an unreasonable request.
secondly, there are some of you, and not all of you, just some of you, who seem to think it a good idea to to wear clothing that is extra revealing. now as i mentioned, women have to work waaaaaaaaayyyyy harder than men to succeed in this world, so you more than have a right to want to feel good about yourself. but you ladies who walk around with your goodies hanging out in plain view...im talking to you.
stop it.
stop it now.
this is real life, not a rap video shoot. it's not sexy, it's not cute, and it won't make even the douchiest of douchebags respect you. if you really want that kind of attention, i'd much rather you run around in a jumpsuit with the chorus of lady marmalade written in huge block letters all over it. no? well then, having a little thing called self respect wouldn't kill you. perhaps this is why i always had more of a thing for velma than that little tease daphne...oh, dear god, just the thought of that orange turtle neck and the juxtaposition of those freckles and those pseudo-intellectual glasses...
jinkies indeed.
ok. i've beaten up on the ladies far enough.
GENTLEMEN....
for some of you, the aforementioned title is very much wishful thinking. why? you know why. and if you don't then perhaps it's time you renewed your subscription to the advocate.
it has been well documented that we as men have a tendency to see women the way a cheetah might see that lonely clueless emo-kid gazelle grazing strategically left of the herd. i'm only going to say this once, so listen up.
WOMEN AND MEAT ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS!!!!!!!!
women are stronger and much more powerful than the alpha males we make ourselves out to be in our minds. they put up with way more than we ever dream of having to. plus it doesn't help that half the time, the thing they're putting up with is us!!! so please, think with your stationary cranium instead of your dangling participle. as much as a woman needs to respect herself, a real gentleman shows a lady that same respect tenfold.
so i say all this to say that we as people all have flaws. not one of us is perfect, man or woman. but in a strange way, it is this lack of perfection that makes us all the same. and how we react to said similarity is how we define ourselves as human beings. it seems we have a choice here, people. we can stand around and pretend we speak two different languages or we can build relationships and understanding among one another so that our children and their offspring might know a world a harmony and peace. maybe, just maybe, we could pull a gandhi and be the change we wish to see in the world.
thats all she wrote for now. comment if you wouldn't mind.
l8r.
-Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
ahoy.
i take to the seas on the s.s blog yet again to discuss something i have never understood ever....women. they are a complicated breed and what makes it worse is they are totally aware of it. don't get me wrong, i respect women immensely. i was raised by a single mom, so i have some small understanding of what women have to deal with. and i understand women feel the exact same way about men. so i'm writing this for men and against men, and vice versa as an attempt to create some understanding among the sexes. its not that we speak different languages, but that we don't speak the same language the same way. it's like trying to speak french in france versus trying it in montreal. the langauge is the same, but the way it's spoken is almost entirely different. so let's get some harmony and understanding happening...ladies first.
LADIES....
you know i love y'all. but there are a few things i will never understand. the most baffling thing is probably this....
you see, some people have issues with PDA(Public Display of Affection). personally, i don't, but I do have a big issue with PDP(Public Discussion of Periods). first of all, ewwwww. secondly, did i say ewwwww already? and third, its bad enough maxi pad commercials are getting in the way of my enjoyment of ron jaworski's color commentary on sportscenter. what is the purpose of discussing it out loud for the world to hear? our sex lives in conversation are shameful and taboo but bleeding out on a monthly basis is totally in play? where is the line drawn? this position is not coming from a place of ignorance, i assure you. i know what happens. you know what happens. heck, anyone who passed middle school knows what happens...not that most of you out there haven't yet passed middle school, but im simply trying to consider my fans in arkansas and mississippi who are probably having their "yankee" friends read it to them very slowly while trying unsuccessfully to understand those tricky big words like "place" or "middle". what can i say? i'm an equal opportunity writer. sue me.
i understand that women have to work a lot harder than men to survive in this world. but i hardly think that not talking about your time of the month is an unreasonable request.
secondly, there are some of you, and not all of you, just some of you, who seem to think it a good idea to to wear clothing that is extra revealing. now as i mentioned, women have to work waaaaaaaaayyyyy harder than men to succeed in this world, so you more than have a right to want to feel good about yourself. but you ladies who walk around with your goodies hanging out in plain view...im talking to you.
stop it.
stop it now.
this is real life, not a rap video shoot. it's not sexy, it's not cute, and it won't make even the douchiest of douchebags respect you. if you really want that kind of attention, i'd much rather you run around in a jumpsuit with the chorus of lady marmalade written in huge block letters all over it. no? well then, having a little thing called self respect wouldn't kill you. perhaps this is why i always had more of a thing for velma than that little tease daphne...oh, dear god, just the thought of that orange turtle neck and the juxtaposition of those freckles and those pseudo-intellectual glasses...
jinkies indeed.
ok. i've beaten up on the ladies far enough.
GENTLEMEN....
for some of you, the aforementioned title is very much wishful thinking. why? you know why. and if you don't then perhaps it's time you renewed your subscription to the advocate.
it has been well documented that we as men have a tendency to see women the way a cheetah might see that lonely clueless emo-kid gazelle grazing strategically left of the herd. i'm only going to say this once, so listen up.
WOMEN AND MEAT ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS!!!!!!!!
women are stronger and much more powerful than the alpha males we make ourselves out to be in our minds. they put up with way more than we ever dream of having to. plus it doesn't help that half the time, the thing they're putting up with is us!!! so please, think with your stationary cranium instead of your dangling participle. as much as a woman needs to respect herself, a real gentleman shows a lady that same respect tenfold.
so i say all this to say that we as people all have flaws. not one of us is perfect, man or woman. but in a strange way, it is this lack of perfection that makes us all the same. and how we react to said similarity is how we define ourselves as human beings. it seems we have a choice here, people. we can stand around and pretend we speak two different languages or we can build relationships and understanding among one another so that our children and their offspring might know a world a harmony and peace. maybe, just maybe, we could pull a gandhi and be the change we wish to see in the world.
thats all she wrote for now. comment if you wouldn't mind.
l8r.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Teach Them Well and Let Them Lead The Way...
"Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them sup from your hearts as long as you live. Teach them to your children and their children after them."
-Deuteronomy 4:9
hello again.
yes i know. it has been many moons since i spoke to you last, and a lot has transpired in that time. in the last year i lost a job but then gained a new one. last december me and my unnecessary knowledge of hardware landed at target. i became a cashier at what was probably the worst time to do so. or perhaps the best, because this particular post probably wouldn't have happened otherwise. but anyway, i digress, which tends to happen from time to time. like just now.
pull it together, mike....
anyway, i saw things that stunned me beyond belief. most notably, a busy day at my old job was a slow day at target. i had never seen so many people in one place. most of them were there to gather last minute gifts for christmas. and many of them brought their kids, which brings me to the point of this post...yes, contrary to what my earlier ramblings might have suggested, i am going somewhere with this.
it is obvious that no one person is made the same or is raised the same way as another. however, for some odd reason, almost all the parents in target during this time had one thing in common...their children were OUT OF CONTROL!!!!!!!!!!!! everytime i looked around there was a little boy or girl running or yelling or many times both.
i remember one day in particular. there was a lady who came through my line which, if i may point out, was an express line. as she approached with her cart as full as it could be without the sides buckling, i knew there was trouble. she wore this facial expression that i could not readily assess. it was somewhere between "i'm really not equipped to handle people today" and "somebody cut the cheese in a room completely devoid of windows or proper ventilation and i was the one who got caught downwind of it."
she had a son who couldn't be more than five or six. while steering the cart with her right hand, she held her son's hand in a such a way that their was seemingly no way he could get out.
seemingly.
however, it didn't take long before he took off, somehow slipping out of the chuck norris death grip she had on his hands. i asked her how she was doing, and in response she shot me a death glare that would make jason voorhees piddle on himself. it was both heartbreaking and hilarious watching her attempt to reaffirm her grip on some sense of composure whilst Hiroshima in Huggies had a field day with the batteries on a nearby endcap. its the simple things, i suppose.
the tab broke $200 before half the cart had been emptied. i asked if she wanted a gift receipt with any of her items. in response, she borderline yelled, "does it look like i want a gift receipt?"
now, common sense would suggest that if you have a cart stocked full of toys, there might be a slight chance that it's not all going to the same kid, right? then again, common sense ain't all that common place anymore, now is it?
the reason i tell this story is because there was a point where not only was this woman cross with me, but with the unfortunate fellow who put a ring on it and procreated with her. she grabbed her son from batteries and answered her blackberry and went on a 2 or 3 minute expletive laden tirade about the same little boy who was now within earshot of his mother's pleasent little soliloquy.
where am i going with this?
i remember being that little boy. in those days, they thought i had adhd because of how much i ran around tirelessly. but one thing never changed. whenever my mom was in a line with me, what i did or how her day went never changed the way she treated people. she was always and still is a lady. and i attribute my unwavering respect for my fellow man to it. yes, i ran around a lot, but i was still paying attention. i watched how she treated people. i fear for that little boy's future. parents are the lecture and the child is always taking mental notes...always. how they treat people, how they think, even how they view the world is based on the picture painted by the parent. what my mom did when i was just a boy of 6 informs how i conduct myself as a man standing on the edge of 22. my wish is simply this: be the kind of person you want your kids to be. be the example. be the man or the woman. and if you grew up like me with a parent that showed you how to do things the right way, then give them a hug. because you know you wouldn't have gotten there without them.
thats all i got for now. leave a comment or two, if you don't mind.
L8r.
-Deuteronomy 4:9
hello again.
yes i know. it has been many moons since i spoke to you last, and a lot has transpired in that time. in the last year i lost a job but then gained a new one. last december me and my unnecessary knowledge of hardware landed at target. i became a cashier at what was probably the worst time to do so. or perhaps the best, because this particular post probably wouldn't have happened otherwise. but anyway, i digress, which tends to happen from time to time. like just now.
pull it together, mike....
anyway, i saw things that stunned me beyond belief. most notably, a busy day at my old job was a slow day at target. i had never seen so many people in one place. most of them were there to gather last minute gifts for christmas. and many of them brought their kids, which brings me to the point of this post...yes, contrary to what my earlier ramblings might have suggested, i am going somewhere with this.
it is obvious that no one person is made the same or is raised the same way as another. however, for some odd reason, almost all the parents in target during this time had one thing in common...their children were OUT OF CONTROL!!!!!!!!!!!! everytime i looked around there was a little boy or girl running or yelling or many times both.
i remember one day in particular. there was a lady who came through my line which, if i may point out, was an express line. as she approached with her cart as full as it could be without the sides buckling, i knew there was trouble. she wore this facial expression that i could not readily assess. it was somewhere between "i'm really not equipped to handle people today" and "somebody cut the cheese in a room completely devoid of windows or proper ventilation and i was the one who got caught downwind of it."
she had a son who couldn't be more than five or six. while steering the cart with her right hand, she held her son's hand in a such a way that their was seemingly no way he could get out.
seemingly.
however, it didn't take long before he took off, somehow slipping out of the chuck norris death grip she had on his hands. i asked her how she was doing, and in response she shot me a death glare that would make jason voorhees piddle on himself. it was both heartbreaking and hilarious watching her attempt to reaffirm her grip on some sense of composure whilst Hiroshima in Huggies had a field day with the batteries on a nearby endcap. its the simple things, i suppose.
the tab broke $200 before half the cart had been emptied. i asked if she wanted a gift receipt with any of her items. in response, she borderline yelled, "does it look like i want a gift receipt?"
now, common sense would suggest that if you have a cart stocked full of toys, there might be a slight chance that it's not all going to the same kid, right? then again, common sense ain't all that common place anymore, now is it?
the reason i tell this story is because there was a point where not only was this woman cross with me, but with the unfortunate fellow who put a ring on it and procreated with her. she grabbed her son from batteries and answered her blackberry and went on a 2 or 3 minute expletive laden tirade about the same little boy who was now within earshot of his mother's pleasent little soliloquy.
where am i going with this?
i remember being that little boy. in those days, they thought i had adhd because of how much i ran around tirelessly. but one thing never changed. whenever my mom was in a line with me, what i did or how her day went never changed the way she treated people. she was always and still is a lady. and i attribute my unwavering respect for my fellow man to it. yes, i ran around a lot, but i was still paying attention. i watched how she treated people. i fear for that little boy's future. parents are the lecture and the child is always taking mental notes...always. how they treat people, how they think, even how they view the world is based on the picture painted by the parent. what my mom did when i was just a boy of 6 informs how i conduct myself as a man standing on the edge of 22. my wish is simply this: be the kind of person you want your kids to be. be the example. be the man or the woman. and if you grew up like me with a parent that showed you how to do things the right way, then give them a hug. because you know you wouldn't have gotten there without them.
thats all i got for now. leave a comment or two, if you don't mind.
L8r.
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